Being BADLY in Love 

Love comes in all kinds of shapes and forms, each with different battles and feelings. Love is always strong but never the same.
Today I’d like to tell you about three kinds of love I’ve fallen into. The first being a deadly one.
This is the story about my first love, and like I’m sure most “first love” stories go it’s not a happy one. 

I was so excited to have my first real boyfriend; someone to hold hands with as  we walk in the mall, my goodnight text before bed, my guaranteed date for Valentines Day. 

It took me about seven months to finally tell this guy I loved him. And I knew I loved him because I would’ve done anything for him. Anything. I remember sitting one day and thinking about whether I would die for him, really die for him if I had to. And I knew I would, it’s not like I could live without him anyway.

Unfortunately it turned out he wasn’t my prince on a white horse ( he never looked much like Prince Charming to begin with).  He apparently didn’t like holding hands, he kept falling asleep before saying goodnight and on Valentines day he chose to spend the romantic day with his best friend instead of me. 

Nevertheless I kept fighting for this relationship to work. I was convinced that if I loved him that much he couldn’t be wrong for me. It took me about a year and a half to realize what this really was: desperate love. 

So I finally decided to let it go, when one night in a club I met love story number two. This was a fun one. 

I’ve always been fond of foreigners so when a sexy Canadian guy asked for my number I couldn’t resist. He took me on several fun dates and for the first time my cheeks started hurting from smiling. 

I’m pretty sure I fell for him within a few days because suddenly I wasn’t myself anymore. He was like a drug, he put me on a kind of high where nothing could get to me and I was able to do anything. 

We went to a music festival together and for a few weeks I got to live in a movie. I had the perfect guy from a foreign place who spun my life into a wild adventure. I would’ve married him the day I met him, just like in those fairy tales. 

We would’ve lived happily ever after if I didn’t find out he had a girlfriend back in Canada. As the clock striked 12 and my fairy tale ended I was very disappointed, but in all honesty I was never mad. 

I got to be someone I never thought I’d be and felt things I didn’t know existed. Although it was only for a while and although this love was not realistic it was a blast. It was extraordinary love. 

Many guys and many love lessons later I met the love of my life. 

How do I know he is the love of my life? Because of the way I love him.

Our love is secure, yet I am free. I am 100 percent, completely me, yet he is my everything. 

Our love didn’t require for me to change a thing, yet I wanted to change… only for the better

When I look up the sky is still the same colour but when I look at him somehow my heart beats faster. 

This is what I call true love. 

So why did I write about all of this? I guess it’s just to show that just because you love someone it doesn’t mean they’re the one for you. Real love won’t ask you to sacrifice your happiness. 

Enjoy all the kinds of love you fall into and learn something from each love, but don’t be too upset if it doesn’t last. 

Not all love is forever and once you find your forever love you will understand why the others couldn’t last. 

Wishing you all the best in love ❤️ 

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Depression III

I think it’s eating my soul

As I once again fall

Oh now I feel it all

I was just fine this morning…

I’d tell them what was wrong 

If only I could figure out what’s going on
Come on, hold on! 

Why aren’t you strong? 
I stare blankly at the wall…the darkness looks so complicated 

I think about everything and how much I hate it. 
I don’t see it now but I know somehow a good day will come and although it won’t stay

It will be a moment… 
a moment free of sadness, a moment free of pain and a moment free of numbness. 
A free moment. 

Hate: A Valentines Day Edition 

It’s the love you try to push away,It’s the punishment for the one who didn’t stay.

It’s a devious little devilish way to only convince us we’re okay, 

When really it’s the monster causing all the pain… 

Tomorrow is Valentines Day and I’ve been seeing a lot of posts going around tackling the issue of love or romance. I was about to make a post about that myself; when something gave me the idea to write about the opposite: HATE. 

When I was little the word HATE was seen as a very strong, sinful word. If one of my friends or the kids in my class would use the word it would be followed by a gasp or scolding. 

As I got older the word started losing it’s intensity, and although us adults tend to casually throw the word around, we forget what a strong impact this word can have. Or should I rather say – this action…

When we are in pain or someone does us wrong or life doesn’t go our way we unintentionally build up a lot of hate towards that person or situation. We see hate as a punishment for the person who did us wrong or a defense mechanism against the pain or sadness. We think it’s easier to be angry or that we are hurting someone by hating them when in reality we are simply hurting and punishing ourselves. 

If sad is the opposite of happy and hate is the opposite of love then love can make you happy but hate can only make you sad. 
Read that again. 

So, for this Valentines Day, I am not telling you to love everyone but simply not to hate anyone. 

I could go on to tell you more about love but in all honesty I don’t know that much about love. I just know that the lack of it is bad and that the opposite of it is even worse. 

Happy Valentines Day! 💖

About your Blog

Glorified online journals – this is how an article on Huffpost discribes blogs from a few years back. This got me thinking… why do people blog today? 

I was playing with the idea of starting my own blog for a long time before I actually went ahead and did it. One of the reasons I was having doubts was because of the millions of other blogs that were already out there. 

I was constantly concerned that my new blog would simply get lost between the millions of other good ones; that there is so much good content out there that no one would be interested in anything I have to say. 

After a few months I decided to let go of this idea and make peace with the fact that if even 10 people read a post I make and take something from it that would be satisfying enough. 

It is now a few more months later and I am beyond satisfied with the fact that I did start a blog. 

That is my story… and I always wonder about other writer’s stories. When I read through all the different posts on WordPress I wonder what motivated each person to start a blog and what the inspiration behind every post is. 

I have many different things that inspire me: 

From the ideas that pop into my head at 3am – when I know I have to be up 2 hours later – to the tiny things that catch my eye when I’m driving, then tickles my mind. 

My moods especially, the happy moments when my heart’s joy bursts into creative words; the times when I feel extreme pain and writing is my only medicine. 
I would love to know what your reason was for starting a blog, or where you get your ideas for your posts. Let me know in a comment if you feel like sharing. 

To me this is just another bit of proof that writing is magic… look how a simple idea can burst into a significant story.

What would the world be without writers?!