It seems quite insane…
that you can heal something as bad as pain.
I don’t mean the pain you can cure with a pill,
or remove by simply staying still,
I mean the pain from losing someone or something;
The pain that is caused by sadness.
Being sad is painful,
I know because I’ve been there way too often.
All I can say is let it all in…
then one day… it just stops.
I feel like most of the posts I’ve made so far are either about “Pain” or “Writing about Pain”.
Today, however, I didn’t feel any of that.
I had an unexpectedly good day. The crazy thing is I started the day with a bad attitude, just wanting to go back to sleep. Next thing I know it turned into the best day I could think of.
You see, I learned an important lesson today: sometimes you just have to tell bad people to fuck off.
It seems impossible – believe me I used to think it was – but one day you’ll just meet the right people somehow, and you won’t feel lonely and you’ll have a day where you forget to think about that guy for a few hours. And then you’ll pause and realize you had a happy day.
Of course I will still post about pain because pain will always be there. But at least not all of the time.
Someone told me today that I’m not right in the head. I guess writers are all a little insane…
I remember how much fun I had with my sister when we were kids. It was just the two of us but we would pretend we are characters from our favourite shows. It felt so real and so freeing. Maybe that’s why kids are so much happier.
Fiction is an escape. We enjoy made-up stories because we find life unsatisfactory. Sometimes fiction even makes more sense than reality.
I love getting drawn in by a good story. It’s like living another life for a few hours. I’ve lived in a secret land called “Narnia”; I’ve participated in a brutal fight called “The Hunger Games”; I’ve gone to a school for wizards; I’ve fallen in love with a boy who has cancer and cried when he died.
What wonderful madness.
So yes, I guess I am not right in the head. But I guess that’s a good thing.
I woke up several times during that first night with an aching in my chest. It took me a few seconds to remember where the pain was coming from… you broke my heart.
The next morning as I was driving to school I tried to focus on the one thing that has always kept me sane: music.
I was singing along and out of nowhere I lost my breath and started crying. I could not stop sobbing and when I finally got myself to calm down I tried to focus on the music again but not a single word would come out of my mouth.
So I got to school and spoke to as many people I could find, laughed at as many jokes as I could think of. “It’s going to be okay”… I convinced myself. But just seeing you for a second made it all start again.
On the way home I yelled the lyrics to Taylor Swift’s songs this time – refusing to let any thoughts through my head. But then I got home and it was quiet and for a second I gave in. That’s when it all came rushing in…
I was crying uncontrollably, I fell down on the dark couch and did not recognize the sound that was coming from my chest. It hurt so bad – I had to beg myself to stop. Instead of getting words out I got more tears.
But then… all of a sudden… the tears just stopped. And so did the pain. But most importantly – so did my feelings for you.
And that’s how I got over you.
**ABOUT THIS POST:
I wrote this piece after my first heartbreak. This is the first time I discovered how therapeutic writing can be.
Thank you for all the support on my blog so far… Your likes and comments and follows motivate me so much. One of the best feelings for a writer is to receive positive feedback on their work.
Lots of love!