Electricity

Your eyes that fall on me is like a switch activating electricity

Sparks fly as your arm brushes against mine

Your words flow as if you know exactly what I want you to say

I smile to make you stay

I anticipate my next move, trying not lose your attention

I play hard to get while picturing your lips on my neck

You pretend not to care but I see you stare

Because as much as we try to hide it, we simply can’t deny that

we both can’t wait

for the next situation to take place

Where you’ll casually pass me – I’ll playfully punch you – you’ll say something witty and once again we’ll have a moment of electricity

Selfie Sticks and too much Lipstick

I am so sick of living for other people. 

You know what I love about myself when I’m drunk? I can do anything I want without caring. Sure drunk people are annoying but… they don’t care. Only sober people do. 

So in this world where we say yes to others so often that we forget we’re saying no to ourselves; I sometimes have to ask myself: what would drunk you do? 

I’ve had so many nights with my best friend in the 24 hour Steers across the road from the club – we would just sit there at 4am with our shoes off and lipstick messy. People would walk past us and giggle but we’d barely notice. We were laughing too hard ourselves as we ordered an extra large fries with LOTS of salt. 

Sober me would never do that. 

Maybe we should be our drunk selves more often. Maybe one day at work your drunk self should come out and tell your boss that you’re not working late this Friday because you want to go to the beach. Maybe this Friday your drunk self should say yes to ice cream at the beach because she doesn’t care what she eats. 

So next time you feel like whipping out that selfie stick to catch your best angle – do it. Do it despite what anyone thinks. 

Do what makes you happy and if anyone laughs just laugh along. At least you’re having a good time. 

Have more good times – that’s what your drunk self would do! 

You’ve Changed

Some people think that change is scary; but some people never change and I think that’s pretty scary. 

As much as I don’t want to be stuck in the same place forever, I don’t want to be stuck as the same person forever. 

I’m sure pretty much everyone has heard the phrase “you’ve changed” at some point in their lives, and usually not in a good way. Almost in a way as if to say: “change back!” 

But why would you change back? 

I have changed into a whole new person many times in my life, but I have also made small, almost unnoticeable changes. And I have learned that even the bad changes are good. They made me someone new, someone wiser, someone more experienced and I don’t want to be my old self ever again. 

Maybe change should not be seen as going from good to bad, but rather good to great. 
I don’t think change means destroying the old things; but rather focusing on building new things. 

When I look back on my life everything is so different, and I just can’t wait for it to be different once more. 

Why Cheat Days are a MUST

I recently saw a post on Pinterest with all these rules for cheat days. But…isn’t the point of having a cheat day to have no rules? 

Cheat days are usually used in diets where a person would allow themselves to basically screw their diet and eat whatever they want for a day. For me this is usually the day that throws me completely off the wagen and ends my diet… buut that’s besides the point. 

My point is that I think everyone should INSIST on having regular cheat days. And not just in terms of a diet, but in everyday life. 

A day with no rules.

Allow yourself to have a day where you do NO work, eat what you want, drink anything you’d like, and just be alive. 

Even if you are the boss and you think your company revolves around you, you need to allow yourself days where you just stay in bed and drink wine.

Yes, it might be hard to get back into your boring routine after cheating – but that’s the point! Let these days change your attitude, your way of living, throw you off balance and create new challenges for the future. 

I go ALL OUT with these days… they are not only something to look forward to and live for in the moment, but they are SO GOOD that they affect the rest of my life. 

Now I’m not saying that you should do something stupid like commit a murder ( I said break the rules not the law). Just do the things you would usually feel too guilty to do – guilt free. Do anything and everything that makes you happy. 

Switch off your phone, heck, just leave it at home. Don’t let ANYTHING interrupt your cheat day, and you will see what a positive impact it will make on you regular days. 

Because oh… will you have many regular days. 

From Almost 20 to Over 20

This post might not be everyone’s cup of tea… well, maybe because it’s about alcohol. 

I’m almost in my mid 20s and I’m slowly starting to feel myself growing up. Maybe because so many of my stories start with “remember when we used to…” or end with “I can’t believe we did that”. 

Or maybe because so many of my friends are starting to quit drinking. 

I so vibrantly remember my 16 year old self’s first few times clubbing. The anxiety and excitement of drinking sourz shots and mixing vodka with soda and wondering if I’m drunk yet. 

I hear songs on the radio that used to play every night in every club. Songs that would stop my friends and I mid-sentence cause we HAD to go dance. 

Now does getting older mean no more drinking? For me it has become more day drinking. It’s gone from brandy and coke to wiskey and water. It’s gone from cheap beers on happy hour to wine tastings on Saturdays. 

It’s gone from “I’m so stressed about my test tomorrow, lets go out” to “I’ve had a long day, I need a drink” 

I still think my 21 year old self, who could get into the front of the line at any club cause she’s known all the bouncers since she was 16, is the coolest girl in town. I just know she had a lot to learn. 

Now she’s all grown up and knows a lot and life is different but I can’t helping thinking about her sometimes. 

And wondering… what would have happened if she never grew up? 

TIDES

Oh, The Things She’d Say…

What would you say to your younger self? The lottery numbers, of course… 

On a more serious note, I was lying in bed the other night and my brain went on one of those crazy trips where it thought up another imaginary situation. You know, things that could never happen but are so fun to dream about anyway. 

That night it was about what would happen if my 16-year-old self met me today. Would we get along? Would she be happy to see what I’ve become? I was lying there and thinking about all the dreams she had, and how none of them came true. And how I would explain that to her. 

I guess I’d start by telling her to stop wanting to become an adult so badly. Being an adult is nothing like it seemed, she earns more money now, yet somehow she is still broke. 

I’d tell her to relax, nothing she worries about now is going matter in a year. I’d tell her that even all those things she spent hours of thoughts on became nothing – or turned out completely different than she imagined them. I’d tell her that things happened which she never could have imagined. 

I’d tell that boys still suck, but she’ll find a nice one just as soon as she stops looking. 

I’d tell her not to get upset when she can’t have Mcdonalds over the weekend, one day she’ll have Mcdonalds for breakfast, lunch and dinner and with dinner happening at 2 am she’d give anything for a home cooked meal. 

I’d tell her that she still hasn’t found herself, but it’s okay, she’s not lost. She’s just wandering. 

Then I guess I would mention that she should stop trying to diet. It’s many years later and she’s still fat, so just go ahead and eat those fries and be happy. Never eat warmed up fries though, they suck. 

After this discussion she would probably be so confused, but maybe she would look at her teenage life a little differently. 

And then, just as this thought ended and I finally closed my eyes… my brain came with another thought. 

What if I could meet my future self now? Oh, the things she’d say… 

STOP! What are you Doing?

My boss said the following the other day: “Some people don’t want to come to work because they want to spend time with their loved ones. That’s so stupid!” And my mind just about exploded… 

I get that money makes the world go around and we all have bills to pay, but when did work become so important that we put it before anything else? Before the ones we love, before the things we love, before our life? 

My friend had to get an operation a few months ago and he argued with the doctors because he did not want to miss a week of work. I could not understand the logic… it was his health -it was life or death – and he put work first. 

Death is such a big deal yet we hardly think about it. How many times do you have to hear “you only live once” before it will sink in?

The world needs to rethink its priorities. 
Now I’m not saying we should all go and quit our jobs, I’m just saying that maybe you should take a Sunday off, go to the doctor when it’s needed and don’t feel guilty if you’re going out for ice cream with the kids. 

Do you really just want to pay bills and die? 

In another morning meeting with my boss she mentioned how she had every detail of her life planned out; how she had money put away for incase “this” happened, how she was stressed about how “that” could happend so she put another million away. She went on about how good all of this is and how the rest of us should start planning for the future and start putting money away. 

But the entire time all I kept thinking was… why? 

If my boss and her entire family got into a car accident tomorrow on the way to dropping their kids at school – and died – all that money she worked so hard for and saved up would mean nothing. 

I do not have the need to plan out every little detail of my life when it could end at any moment. I like the unpredictability of life, it adds a little jazz. 

By now you probably see me as a reckless money spender who barely shows up to work, but in reality I love my job. I feel proud when I’ve made money and I do sometimes put work first. But not all the time. 

I just know that life is more important than making a living… and quite frankly I like to remind people about that. 

So here’s your reminder: go LIVE! 

Being BADLY in Love

Love comes in all kinds of shapes and forms, each with different battles and feelings. Love is always strong but never the same.
Today I’d like to tell you about three kinds of love I’ve fallen into. The first being a deadly one.
This is the story about my first love, and like I’m sure most “first love” stories go it’s not a happy one. 

I was so excited to have my first real boyfriend; someone to hold hands with as  we walk in the mall, my goodnight text before bed, my guaranteed date for Valentines Day. 

It took me about seven months to finally tell this guy I loved him. And I knew I loved him because I would’ve done anything for him. Anything. I remember sitting one day and thinking about whether I would die for him, really die for him if I had to. And I knew I would, it’s not like I could live without him anyway.

Unfortunately it turned out he wasn’t my prince on a white horse ( he never looked much like Prince Charming to begin with).  He apparently didn’t like holding hands, he kept falling asleep before saying goodnight and on Valentines day he chose to spend the romantic day with his best friend instead of me. 

Nevertheless I kept fighting for this relationship to work. I was convinced that if I loved him that much he couldn’t be wrong for me. It took me about a year and a half to realize what this really was: desperate love. 

So I finally decided to let it go, when one night in a club I met love story number two. This was a fun one. 

I’ve always been fond of foreigners so when a sexy Canadian guy asked for my number I couldn’t resist. He took me on several fun dates and for the first time my cheeks started hurting from smiling. 

I’m pretty sure I fell for him within a few days because suddenly I wasn’t myself anymore. He was like a drug, he put me on a kind of high where nothing could get to me and I was able to do anything. 

We went to a music festival together and for a few weeks I got to live in a movie. I had the perfect guy from a foreign place who spun my life into a wild adventure. I would’ve married him the day I met him, just like in those fairy tales. 

We would’ve lived happily ever after if I didn’t find out he had a girlfriend back in Canada. As the clock striked 12 and my fairy tale ended I was very disappointed, but in all honesty I was never mad. 

I got to be someone I never thought I’d be and felt things I didn’t know existed. Although it was only for a while and although this love was not realistic it was a blast. It was extraordinary love. 

Many guys and many love lessons later I met the love of my life. 

How do I know he is the love of my life? Because of the way I love him.

Our love is secure, yet I am free. I am 100 percent, completely me, yet he is my everything. 

Our love didn’t require for me to change a thing, yet I wanted to change… only for the better. 

When I look up the sky is still the same colour but when I look at him somehow my heart beats faster. 

This is what I call true love. 

So why did I write about all of this? I guess it’s just to show that just because you love someone it doesn’t mean they’re the one for you. Real love won’t ask you to sacrifice your happiness. 

Enjoy all the kinds of love you fall into and learn something from each love, but don’t be too upset if it doesn’t last. 

Not all love is forever and once you find your forever love you will understand why the others couldn’t last. 

Wishing you all the best in love ❤️ 

Depression III

I think it’s eating my soul

As I once again fall

Oh now I feel it all

I was just fine this morning…

I’d tell them what was wrong 

If only I could figure out what’s going on
Come on, hold on! 

Why aren’t you strong? 
I stare blankly at the wall…the darkness looks so complicated 

I think about everything and how much I hate it. 
I don’t see it now but I know somehow a good day will come and although it won’t stay

It will be a moment… 
a moment free of sadness, a moment free of pain and a moment free of numbness. 
A free moment.